Writing has become difficult. I’m assuming it’s the medication that I’m taking that’s suppose to help me function better, and it most cases it is, i just can’t seem to connect to anything worth writing about while also being a functioning human being. It’s not writers block, the flood gate is wide open, there’s just no flood. It’s a drought, all the words are all used up, dried up or beaten to death. What purpose do these posts have? What purpose do i have? what is the point of all of this? I want to write something better then just the little petty bullshit about how much life supposedly sucks because of some bad choices and a chemical imbalance in my brain.
I am not on the road like Jack Kerouac, I’m not in van like Henry Rollins, i am not inflected with demons like Hubert Selby Jr. What is my story, my vision, my nightmare? Where should my focus be? Where does this story go from here. Does it die here like the deaths of so many other things in my life? Does it evolve and change? I think it must but how remains to be seen.
I could start writing about politics, I’m good at lying and making stuff up. Plus I’m sure there will be much to discuss as this new president fails us. Let me rephrase, he won’t fail us, we will fail ourselves with highly unachievable expectations.
I could write about sports..actually no i couldn’t. I cant manage to get myself emotionally invested in something that has absolutely nothing to do with me. I’ve failed myself enough i don’t need a bunch of over paid jocks to add to he pile. I might just add some very rich players from The Jets, who drive one hundred thousand dollar cars have visited the restaurant i work because they practice near by and couldn’t manage a better tip then four fucking bucks! fuck them.
What’s my niche, what’s something i want to write about and can write about well? I don’t know. Any suggestion?