Today was suppose to be my day off but I stupidly agreed to work an extra shift. I seriously wish I hadn’t done that. The weather is perfect and there is just so much I want to do with my free time away from the job. Financial burdens keep my hands tied behind my back when it comes to the stuff I want to achieve in my life. I know for a lot of my peers money is the achievement. If they can make X amount of dollars per pay check then they consider themselves successful. If they can make enough money in a year to afford the nice car and the well furnished apartment then they are successful. For me, money is not an achievement. Money is the all access pass that can get me where I need to go, to do the things I want to do. Money builds the website I wish I had. Money prints the books I want to sell. Money gets the merch and promotional stuff I need. Money buys me the time I need to write all the words I hear in my head. Money is the passport to success not the measure of it. I’m slowly finding ways to make more money in less time. I wish it would happen quicker, I’m not very patient when it comes to my career.
Money sucks, work sucks blah blah blah. I know I’m a broken fucking record. Do you not obsess and worry about the same shit most days? I’m assuming you do or maybe I’m just a whiny little bitch. Either way, I have no apologies for what I write. I write what’s on my mind.
Today is my one hundred and eleventh day sober. I can remember day one so clearly. I remember that piece I wrote on day seven. I was so optimistic and eager to live a sober life. I still am but some days are harder then others. It’s not a struggle to stay sober, though I do think about drinking everyday. The struggle for me is with figuring out what things I can change and what things I can’t. There is a sort of heaviness that comes with that. It’s like a thin film of uncertainty that coats my life. Still, life is better sober and it has been better then ever.