I was thinking about this time when I was a child that my parents took me and my brother to boardwalk in seaside NJ. I remember the sun was still out but getting close to setting, making everything seem to glow orange. The board walk as all those games where you put money on a color and symbol and they spin the wheel to see who wins. I always wanted to play those games but wouldn’t ask my parents. I would talk myself out of it because i was afraid of being disappointed. They would either say no or they’d say yes and I wouldn’t win anyway. I remember not asking for a lot of things, I just couldn’t handle the disappointment of the word very well. On this night though, with the setting sun making the faces on the boardwalk glow,and the sticky breeze coming off the ocean, i saw something i really wanted to do. So I took a deep breath held it for a moment and then let it out in a long sigh. I chickened out. It was this giant snake, tunnel obstacle course thing. I had no idea what was inside of it but I really wanted to find out. I could see the kids waiting in line with their dads, itching with excitement. I could see the kids coming out the exit, red-faced and bug-eyed with joy, their dads coming out with them smiling. I wanted to go through the giant snake-tunnel obstacle course so badly it ached in my stomach as we walked past it. This feeling ran through my whole a body a feeling I couldn’t explain to you then, a feeling so strong it ruins a kids appetite even for things like chocolate and vanilla swirl soft serve ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. It’s a feeling as an adult I know as depression.