It seems that the further I go the lonelier it get. What I mean is the more outside of my comfort zone I push myself the worse I feel. The depression settles in, the anxiety rises up and I can’t do anything about it but keep trying. Dating really fucking sucks. There’s really no way of knowing if a girl likes you or not. If they do like you they’re not going to tell you and I’m not aggressive enough to find out. So in the end it’s really just pointless. A year ago I was pretty content with the idea of being alone for an indefinite amount of time. I didn’t care about meeting anybody or dating. I didn’t even want to try. I’m lonely now though, but my book collection and my notebooks can only get me so far. On the other side of that there are people who like me. they really like me a lot and they want to be with me but I don’t know if they are right for me. I’m thinking that if I don’t know than maybe they’re not. Is that something that is hard to figure out or do you just know it when it’s right? I thought I knew once before and I was wrong so maybe I’m just scared now.
I suck at this. I’m socially crippled, emotionally damaged and my self-esteem is non existent. If I really like someone I immediately assume that they’re too good for me or at the very least better off with out me. The more I get to know a girl, the more girls I get to know, the more I realize I know nothing about them. I don’t know what they want, what they like or what they need. I just fuck it up every step of the way.
Also girls, you play games whether you are aware of it or not. Everything is about signals or seeing if the guy you like will try hard enough to get you. Stop playing hard to get it’s just confusing, time consuming and leads to a lot of dead ends. Why can’t I just tell a girl I like her and she can say she likes me back or she doesn’t like me and we can just move on with it.
Hi what’s your name?
Nice to meet you Sarah. You seem nice and I find you very attractive any chance you would be interested in going on a date with me?
That’s OK thanks for your time.
Girls just say no, if you mean no. Why is everything always maybe or I don’t know? Also if Sarah does say yes and we go out for drinks or dinner or something like that. Everything seems to go well, there’s plenty of conversation, a lot of smiling and laughing. At the end of the date just be honest if I ask you if you want to go out again. Just say no if you mean no. Won’t that be easier for all parties involved? If other guys are anything like me it will save them hours of torment wondering if they should call or text or if they should just leave you alone. I almost always assume you don’t like me. Fuck it, You call me how about that?
By the way when I say girls I mean women. I don’t really like saying women because the word makes me think of people my moms age. This whole rant probably makes sound like a tool but I don’t really care it’s what was on on my mind. I feel less lonely writing to the 8 people who read this stuff so thanks for that.