The Grey Murkiness of Love and Life

I’ve always wondered why they hang doors to hospital rooms because they are never closed. I can’t help but look into the rooms as I walk down the hall. Today I was walking through a hospital and I kept seeing old men and women alone in their rooms. They looked so sad and defeated. The loneliness in their eyes overwhelmed me, I could feel it.

Then I went to the mall. It was the other end of the spectrum. Teenage kids about in masses. There were small groups of boys and girls mixing, discovering each other’s mouths and tongues and other naughty bits too I’m sure. It’s all so new and exciting for them, they don’t foresee the pain and frustration coming. The total and utter heartbreak that you think you’ll ever recover from. They especially don’t see themselves old and alone in a hospital bed with the love of their life gone one way or the other.

It made me think of myself and where I am right now. I’m somewhere in between those two places. I’m floating alone in the grey murkiness of love and life. I can foresee myself old and decaying and my body failing. Sitting alone in a hospital with no one to come see me because I was never married and most of my family is gone or too far away.

It was not so much a sad thought or feeling but a reality. It’s a reality that I’m very aware of. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. It’s just something I was thinking about.

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