Working in the food service industry is not what I had in mind years ago when I was setting sail on the choppy seas of this life. I had giant, never ending dreams of all the amazing things I was going to do and how interesting my life would be. I was going to be a big deal. I was going to be playing sold out shows around the world and putting out books that the stores couldn’t keep stocked on the shelves.
It wasn’t about the money though; it was about mattering in the world, about making someone feel the way I felt when I first listened to those dirty and distorted power chords of Smells Like Teen Spirit or when I picked up a Henry Rollins book and didn’t put it down until I finished. I want to make other people feel that life changing mind fuck that those artists gave to me.
Even more than that though, I want to have a positive effect on their life. I want them to feel better because they see that they can feel better. Somewhere along the way I both gave up and gave into the American nightmare or I became aware of how unlikely my ability could ever get me there anyway. I can admit I’m not the best musician and I’m an even worse writer and no, don’t tell me I’m being hard on myself. All the self confidence in the world doesn’t make these facts less true. So here I am welcoming people to Chili’s, offering margaritas and bottomless chips and salsa. Will I be here forever? I don’t know. I hope not but the situation remains unknown.
However, I know that even though I lack the ability to change the world I continue to write and play music. I just can’t help myself. It’s like masturbation of the soul and I can’t quit touching myself. Why would I? It feels so damn good! At the end of day I know the situations remains unknown because I leave it that way. It’s up to me to make to make my world turn. If I do nothing, nothing happens, nothing changes and I achieve nothing. Talent and ability are the least of my problems. So for now, would you like to start with an order of boneless buffalo wings and Presidente margarita?